Gif courtesy of Giphy.com. He’s back, and he couldn’t be happier about it!
In honor of the July 1st release of the brand new and updated Terminator: Genisys (brand new and updated just like the machines themselves. Pat on the back for being so clever), I decided to look at all the previous films and definitively rank them.
And boy, it was quite a journey of “what’s?” and nervous laughter and cringe-worthiness and questions marks. But I survived.
So, the Terminator franchise has been around for a VERY. LONG. TIME. First one came out in 1984, back when, according to my mom, society was a little scared of machines taking over because machines were taking over so many jobs and technology was evolving so quickly. So it’s kinda cool that the movie actually reflects society’s fear and let’s them know the absolute worst case scenario of what can happen if they do. Hmmmmm……. I do think it’s a little curious that the first Terminator came out the same year that George Orwell’s 1984 takes place. Cause then, again, the tech had evolved so very much and controlled people’s lives. (The Illuminati is real!)
But this is not a history lesson or a philosophy session. So, time to rank the four Terminators….
4) The Terminator (1984)
Yes, the one that started it all is really the worst one.
The biggest annoyance I had was probably that the movie was very unclear. You got through half the movie when you finally understood what the hell was going on. Sure, I knew ahead of time because I read the synopsis, but I had seen this in 1984 (can you imagine the clothes I’d be wearing to see it?!) and I had no synopsis and clearly not seen it’s descendant movies, I would’ve been quite lost.
Also: camera angles and action shots sucked. It just looked so goofy and bad and had zero flow.
It was just so 80’s, but then again it was the 80’s, but STILL.
Overall silliness. Like Arnold’s flapping hair, or Reese falling in love with Sarah from her picture alone, to Arnold’s face prosthetic…
Too. Many. Car. Chases.
Ending was quite good though, when they’re in the factory and the half-Arnold left is crawling after Sarah. Pretty good suspense. But other than that…it has very little credit to it. Boy, can you imagine my surprise when I saw it was rated 8.1 on IMDb?! Just, wow.
3) Terminator: Rise of the Machines (2003)
There’s general hate for this movie all around. It has the lowest IMDb rating of all the movies. Which tells you something, even though by this time the CGI is much better and the budget is bigger. Generally, I think most hate it because of a sucky storyline, and John Connor being a whiny little brat (and he’s like 20!).
What makes it better than the original for me was that it was more like a movie…I can’t quite explain it, but I guess because it has more of the feel that contemporary movies do…aka movies of my time, with the resolution of today’s cameras and good direction. That’s how I can explain it.
Too. Many. Car. Chases! And too long! Terminator is not Fast and Furious movie, and they have less chases!
It was just a huge hide and go seek movie.
Plot was flimsy. Not sure why Kate’s important ’til much later, which was a drag. And when you found it, it was like “dumb!” Just overall “meh” film.
2) Terminator: Judgement Day (1991)
This was just really amazing. There’s really a huge jump between 3rd and 2nd place…there should be like 5 number’s between there. Clearly, there was a budget increase for this one…and better writing. (I’d just like to point out that James Cameron wrote the script for the first movie and this one. Now, I’m talking about the James Cameron behind Titanic and Avatar. Let that sink in.)
Car chases. Yes, they were there, but they were neither annoying or too long. And, they were just much more dynamic.
I really liked the two separate storylines of Sarah and her son, John, and how they come then come together. Because of these storylines, you find out so much about their characters, their pasts and presents. You see how strained their relationship is, how they have to work together to move forward. There’s more genuine feeling as they reconnect and build their new relationship. Dynamic relationships go a long way in my book.
Overall plot just had so much going for it, from John first realizing everything his mom told him is true, to seeing Sarah in the mental hospital, to her escape/rescue, to their fleeing the country, Sarah deciding to kill the creator of Skynet, then destroying everything about Skynet. See?! This movie’s biggest plot wasn’t that of the machine chasing our heroes, which the previous two were.
1) Terminator Salvation (2009)
Okay, before you attack me and hate me for basically liking the one movie in the franchise that didn’t have Schwarzy in it, so technically this movie doesn’t count as some think, remember, this is my definitive ranking. And despite missing the one important character (you could say it did, but he was just CGId), it had many of the other aspects that make it a Terminator movie. Like:
1) Final battle happens in a factory (seriously, every single one has this setting!!!)
2) There are numerous car chases
3) “I’ll be back” line
4) Extensive voice-over
5) Badass women
So, let’s all calm down. It’s just really good (in my opinion).
In my notes, I wrote that I liked this movie the most because it was more about the actual, important central characters instead of Arnold’s monotone one-liners. Which is completely true. There is so much development for these characters and understanding what drives them, how they came to be there, what’s going on in the war. It brings together so much of what the other movies have told but in the “present,” so it’s cool to see the actions going on in the future when the war is going on that leads to the past events…which is the present. Following along?
Like Judgement Day, the plot was much better. There’s conflict and misunderstanding and intensity and backstabbing and morality. And the whole thing with Marcus Wright is just an huge ball of intrigue that pulls you in instantly. It’s also cool to meet the characters before they’ve filled their role in the franchise, like Kyle Reese.
Can’t wait to see where Genisys stacks up. And what Schwarzy’s butt looks like now!
(Ok, the latter, not really, but he just keeps showing up naked so I’m sure he will again in the new one.)
Gif courtesy of Giphy.com. Do you realize that if Schwarzy had long hair…this would have been the hairflip of the century?!